2 9.

Yesterday began the first day of my last year in my twenties. Not gonna lie, I freaked just a little bit. {my dad couldn’t even believe how old I was 🙄 but I just reminded him he’s old now too and that’s the only reason I seemed old 😊}

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So as 29 started to sink in and I began to realize that I only have one year left before I’m 30, a semi-panic started to come over me.

I began to wonder if I’d “done” enough. Travelled enough. Accomplished enough. Read enough. Dreamed enough. Loved enough. Served enough. Learned enough. Gave enough. Enough enough enough.

I would be lying if I said the comparison game didn’t start to rear its nasty head then. Did I create enough Pinterest-worthy projects with my babies like so and so did on Facebook? Did I accomplish enough bucket list worthy items like my friend’s instagram showed she did. Should we have been traveling to exotic lands overseas instead of taking our kids to Disney World like others did? Compare compare compare.

But then I took a look back at my life until this point, all that’s been done, all that hasn’t & I just kept saying over and over to myself, “I’m happy.”

I am so happy. I have genuine joy in my heart. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of the family Jason and I have created. We have peace. We have each other. We are so in love. I’m grateful. I’m humble. I’m free. God has taken me where I needed to go, He’s brought me through things to see what I needed to see. To learn lessons I needed to learn.

I’ve been hurt and He’s healed me. I’ve been lost and He’s found me. I’ve been broken and He’s made me whole. He’s taken my pain and turned it into purpose. 29 years. God has held me for 29 years. And He won’t stop, hasn’t stopped, can’t stop loving me, and that’s all I need to “accomplish” in life is knowing this truth from the inside out, with all that I am. I am infinitely loved.

And I’m exactly where I need to be. Not where someone else is, not where someone else needs me to be, but exactly where God wants me. I am grateful for this life God has created for me. I’m grateful for the pure love that is Jason. I am grateful for the beautiful babies He has given to me, the ministries He has trusted me to, the businesses I’ve been blessed with. I am so grateful.

Twenty-nine years and God isn’t done yet.

So I won’t cry for my twenties next year (okay, I may a little), but instead I will aim to focus my energy into what God has done with the mess that is me and the trust I have in what He will keep doing. I will keep pushing forward, will keep loving hard, will keep growing and learning and will continue enjoying what God has so blessed me with. But above everything, I will rest in my Father’s love and knowing that that… is E N O U G H.

29, dear dear 29. you will be beautiful.

Olmos There,

Crystal Olmos