What they don’t tell you after you have a second kid.

My husband and I were college sweethearts. I couldn’t wait until the day I would get to be called Mrs. Olmos. That day came on a beautiful evening in June 2011.

On the heels of celebrating our two year anniversary, our precious son Paxton was born.  Fast forward to January ’16 when we welcomed the birth of our baby girl, Preslyn.

We’ve traveled all over the United States & internationally with our babies, bought two houses since we’ve been married, one of which we built just over a year ago (which was a hectic and crazy process but we were oh so happy with the outcome!), and have done probably more than most in our almost six years together.

Our life has been a beautiful life, though busy, stretched thin at times, and often with feelings that we are just keeping our heads above water with all of the business & commitments we are involved with.

My husband works in the Big D – downtown- so faces stressful traffic weekly on the days he has to drive into the office. He’s beat by the time he gets home, yet always musters up the strength to provide me much needed relief, help me with house duties, and love on the babies.

But if I’m honest, there were times, especially last year after our sweet new addition was born, where we just felt the disconnect. We were still so much in love with each other but didn’t have the time or energy to express it. Our communication was always centered on diaper changes, and what we needed from the store, and who was putting what load of laundry in the washer. It just didn’t feel like we had “us” anymore. Not in a bad way, not in a “we couldn’t stand to look at each other” way, but more in a desperate way as in “Ok. We need some US time!!! And pronto!” Because I was (and am still) nursing our baby girl, and because we love spending every moment we can with our babies, it was hard to make or sometimes even want the time just for ourselves.  But we sensed we needed it and we needed it ASAP.

When it was just our son, we were so new as parents and so infatuated, that we barely wanted to leave him ever! As he got a little older though, he would have a fun night with my mom, his Naw-Naw, (whom he’s obsessed with and she’s just as crazy about him) and we would go to the movies or out to dinner, pretty frequently. But when we had our second, I just felt too guilty. I felt like I had a bigger load now and just couldn’t ask someone to handle my responsibilities for me. It doesn’t help I’m naturally a person who doesn’t easily ask for help. Of course my family would’ve been there and occasionally made us go somewhere so they could watch the babies, but spending time as a new family of four and adjusting to our new sense of normalcy was our priority at the time. And it took some major getting used t0…

What “they” don’t tell you after the second baby is that you now have two bedtimes and night routines to handle. You now have several different nap times to juggle and what does your toddler do while you’re trying to be super quiet and nurse the baby to sleep in her room and don’t want said toddler to be loud & wake baby up? (Ahem… enter 30 mins of tv time for the day). What do you do when you’re nursing the baby in a nursing bra & underwear and someone is at the door and the dog is barking like crazy to tell you?  Or how about when you’ve got baby throw up all over yourself, in your hair, in your belly button (it’s happened- a few times), on your underwear, all over your back, and you can’t shower until daddy gets home which will be hours from then??! Ahhhh! “They” don’t tell you how you have to be oh so careful not to laugh at all of the bad things the baby does because the toddler will then do them to make you laugh and somehow makes a lot bigger mess than the baby did! But mostly what “they” didn’t tell me is if you aren’t careful… and if you give and give and give of yourself (as those sweet babies require) and leave yourself and your marriage for last … you will slowly fade and could eventually dissipate. As a person and a couple.

Jason and I realized what was slowly happening and wanted to fix it. With our five year anniversary being last year, we decided we were going to celebrate in a bigger way than usual and go on a seven day cruise! I was such a nervous Nelly leaving my precious babies, but I knew they’d be in the best hands possible with my wonderful mama and sisters.

We had a blast on our trip. We got to talk more than we had in a long time, have romantic dinners, see fun shows, travel to beautiful beaches, ice skate, eat amazing food, and just re-engage in a beautiful way. I think our cruise is what really set things in motion for us & helped us slow down for the first time in a looooong time at that point.

Facetiming our baby girl while we were gone. ❤️❤️❤️

As I wrote in my New Years resolution blog here, I vowed to make intentional times with my husband this year and make our relationship a priority so we could be the best, fullest, and sharpest mommy and daddy possible to our babies!  You can’t give what you don’t have, and when you pour and pour from yourselves daily and don’t take time to refuel, you have nothing to give.
Making good on my resolution (yay yay yay!!!), my husband and I got away for five days for my birthday a couple of weeks ago! We travelled to one of our favorite cities, Orlando, and spent everyday at Universal Studios! We rode every ride, our favorites multiple times, and explored The Wizarding World of Harry Potter more in depth. We went to Disney World and Universal in 2015, but just several weeks before leaving, I found out I was pregnant with Pres! I’m a roller coaster junkie, so while I was ecstatic about our little surprise, I was so bummed to have to skip the coasters that time! We went again last year and took our babies so 1. we had to move at a much slower pace. 2. spent most of our time with Barney, Curious George & Dr. Suess and 3. had to do the few rides we got to ride separately while the other one watched babies.

So this trip was OUR TRIP! We were big ‘ol kids again and it just felt great! It was so hard though as we missed our babies like CRAZY! For some reason, these five days were so much harder being away than our seven day cruise. God was so good though and gave us peace through it all until we were back with our angels!

So I want to encourage all of you awesome mommies and daddies of 2+ out there who can identify with my words in some form or fashion. I want to encourage you to know that the overwhelmingness you may have felt like we have is so normal.  The constant busyness and struggle to keep your head above water is normal. I would venture to say the distance you and your spouse are likely feeling is normal as well. Can I encourage you to get with your spouse this week and see what time you can schedule to just be together (JUST the two of you!)??

Perhaps you can plan a last minute extended weekend together? Heck, my hubby decided on Sunday we were going to Orlando and we left that Friday! Make it happen! Maybe you aren’t in a position to travel right now, but can get a sitter for an evening and plan a fun date night! I love musicals and opera- you may enjoy it too! Or try that new restaurant you’ve heard about or Yelp a new one. You may not be able to do any of that, but you still need special time with your spouse. Get the kids to bed and plan a date night at home! Cook a special dessert, wear something special & get spicy in the bed 😉, sing music together or simply talk for hours like you did when you first fell in love. Lately, Jason and I have been reminiscing about how we first fell in love and sweet things that we said & did for each other. It really helps to bring up why you fell in love in the first place.

But above all, pray for your family and your relationship. Ask the Lord to rekindle the passion and love you both shared for each other and ask Him to show you ways to be more connected or how your life can be less hectic. Put Him first in your life. If you’ve never prayed before, it’s as simple as having a conversation.  Jesus knows you better than anyone and can’t wait to talk to you. Just tell him what you’re feeling. Also, get plugged into a great, Bible teaching church where you can grow closer to Jesus, and in turn, closer as a family. God always meets you where you are. If you’re local to Dallas, you have a standing invitation to come worship with my family at a fun and engaging church for the whole family. Just contact me!

My sweet mama always loving my precious loves ❤️ 

I know this was a longer post of mine, but it’s one that’s been on my heart and has been a great journey for me. I find I hold myself accountable when I share the growth I’ve had so far, so here’s to continuing the path we are on! Be blessed, loves, and let me know what you’ve learned after having your second child!
Olmos there,
Crystal Olmos

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Sheri Grubisich says:

    Dear Crystal,
    As I was perusing Facebook, I found your article on “The Shack”. I was so impressed by your writing that I came to your wordpress blogs and this one about parenting. I am a grandma watching her children age and sometimes becoming overwhelmed with life. Well, I am going to instruct them to read your blogs. Holding yourself accountable to God is what will ALWAYS save you. Thank you for taking the time to try and help others with your words. You are a real inspiration.
    Peace, Sheri Grubisich

    Liked by 1 person

    1. crystalolmos says:

      Sheri, wow thank you so much for your kind words. God is definitely the only things that holds us all together, brings us peace and keep us afloat! Thank you for the sweet encouragement you have given- it means so much! God bless you!!!


  2. Kathy Davis says:

    You are a very wise woman, Crystal. God has blessed you with the gift of words, for you to be able to share your wisdom in this way…Thank you. Young women need to hear what you have to say!!! … After 33+ years of marriage, I can wholeheartedly attest to this blog. We didn’t have women speaking openly when I was a young bride. And I was such a young bride (19 yrs old) I was afraid my mother would realize I didn’t know what I was doing if I asked any questions!… Ladies….ASK!!! You will never regret investing in your spouse. – Years later, one of the sweetest exchanges we ever had in our family was when our youngest son apologized (YEARS AGO… when he was in high school) for ruining our Valentine’s Day plans. (Seriously, no big deal!) It really, really bothered him, and he wouldn’t drop it – he kept apologizing. I finally asked him “Why?”. He said, “Because you two LIKE each other!!!!” I almost cried! – He saw it… We don’t just “love” each other, but we really do “LIKE” each other! … When I told my husband what he said, without hesitation, he had the sweetest response. “Of all of the gifts, vacations, video games, sporting events, sports teams/equipment (!!!) and whatnot we have given our boys, the greatest gift we have ever given them is the gift of a good marriage.” ((insert uncontrollable tears here – – – right in the middle of Lone Star Steak House! #gottalovemyman))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. crystalolmos says:

      Kathy, thank you so very much for your kind words! That is so sweet about your son and shows what amazing and in-love parents he has! I pray our babies will always be able to see the love we have for each other as well!!! ❤️ God bless you!


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